28 Days Remain

So somehow 24 hours has slipped away since I received notice that Bobby Joe is to be executed on May 23, 2019. I have less than a month to ask questions and decide  if I want to take Bobby Joe up on his offer of buying me a chipotle bacon cheeseburger.

I never took this meeting seriously, probably because I thought there was still plenty of time. Maybe it’s because I can’t believe he is allowed visitation as well as access to the commissary items that could be shared during a visit.

But now I find myself wondering whether I should see him face-to-face and look him in the eye. Will I see any humanity left in him? I see glimpses of the man and not the monster occasionally in his letters but those glimpses are few and far between. 
 

Then I ask myself, why am I doing this at all? What will I gain in continuing my professional relationship with him? Did I really think that I could find the man inside the monster? Reaching out to him, what was I hoping to learn and share with my students? 

The only answer that I have for myself today is, that I have 28 days left to try and find the answers to these questions. 

29 Days Remain

So today, I received news that I knew would come eventually. What I did not expect was the swirl of emotions... the punch to the gut I felt when I read the announcement:

Tampa serial killer Bobby Joe Long’s death warrant was just signed

The emotions are not due to the impending death of a person.. well maybe a little but only because I have never dealt with counting down the days to someone's death. Bobby is the one dying in 29 days yet I am feeling the would have, should have, could have emotions. Man, I should have returned his emails faster. How much can I push him to talk over the next 29 days? Will he ramp up his psychological games now or finally be real? 

This is the roller coaster, I guess I will be riding for the next.... 29 days

What Do I Do for Fun???

True Crime and a Glass of Wine is a monthly event hosted by the coffee bar Blue Door in Stuart, Florida. This hidden gem is only steps away from downtown yet seems a million miles away from the hustle of the world once you step up into the courtyard. A large oak tree surrounded by flowers, the courtyard has become a hideaway for myself and others as it offers the opportunity to quietly contemplate life, dreams or even the next exciting true crime get together.

As tranquil as it can be, there are times when I need a little pick me up or just a place to cut loose. Weekly live music or DJs provide just that. I may not look like Cher but last 80s night I rocked an insanely large wig and way too-high heels and didn’t embarrass myself one bit. People ask me what do I do for fun or if I even have time to do anything other than work considering I teach, spend a million hours with my honor society students exploring, giving back to the community and looking for educational adventures. Well, here is the answer…. I spend most of my personal free time at the Blue Door. Amazing coffee, a glass of wine on occasion, fascinating conversations and more laughter than considered normal.

Give you one guess where I am. 

April Showers Bring….. more than I could have ever imagined

So the first week of April comes and goes with no news about the endowed chair proposals. I keep telling myself to be patient young grasshopper but all I want to do is …… well smooshing the grasshopper wouldn’t be nice so I will just remind you that I have the patience of a gnat. Got it? Good. Week two comes. Nothing happens on Monday and no one has said anything about a meeting this week. Ugh, looks like it will be another long week.

Uhhhh, Tuesday things got weird. I taught my 8:00 am class and was just starting my 9:30 class when the door opens and in walks one Vice President then the President of the College and then another Vice President…. At this point I am beginning to get a little nervous. I do teach outside of the box and can be a little crazy. I may have actually told my Dean at one point, that now that he had given me my own office he would have to pry me out of there if he ever wanted to get rid of me. I was freaking a little bit that he brought an army and I was about to be evicted. I think President Massey and Chairman of the Board, Conrado had a posse of more than 15 with them… eek! It took a minute but then I saw the flowers and the little blue chair that is given to those who are awarded Endowed Teaching Chairs!!! OMG, it was happening and I was surprised (which never happens) and shocked and thrilled and wanted to cry and wanted to call my husband and wanted to grab my students and celebrate BUT oh wait, I had to actually wait for him to tell me that I had received the honor…. Lol    So that was the day that I knew the Institute for Cold Case Investigations at Indian River State College was about to become a real thing.

I was already on Cloud 9 and couldn’t imagine things getting any better but I couldn’t forget that we had the annual Campus Coalition Government Banquet coming up with lots of awards and recognition of hard work by students and faculty. I was holding my breath because my honors students worked so hard and wanted Club of the Year again but that another club was just as hungry and anxious. The Club of the Year is the last thing that gets announced. This would be one long dinner!

So as dinner moves along we are watching a year in review video and these students and their accomplishments over the past year are impressive. Awards start being called out and a few of my students win individual awards which were not expected. That was a proud mom moment. Have I mentioned how much I truly love these guys?  Well I was kind of picking at my salad and praying that Alpha Phi Sigma would win but if they didn’t what was I going to say to them to let them know that I was proud of them and that they should be proud too when one of them poked me and was smiling. I was listening to the speaker as they started talking about the next award, Faculty of the Year. The professor did this. The professor did that. Somewhere in the accomplishments, it started to turn to my hearing blah blah blah because I realized she was talking about ME?!?! What the hell?!?!?!

This one was not on my radar. I was so focused on the club award that I didn’t think about this and I was riding high from getting my endowed chair. Honestly, I can’t even tell you how I felt because I was kind of numb. My husband nor son were there to share it with but that was ok because my second family was. I truly am close to my students and co-workers and they are a second family. One more time, I would just like to say I am honored and proud of this award because it starts with the students nominating you and ends by a panel making the selection. I love my job and my school.

So now not only was I physically exhausted from the 8 million events that my loveable psychos students participated in over the last couple of months but I was emotionally tired. I am super sentimental and when I am invested in something, I am all in. But we had one more award to go and it was the biggie. The CCG Treasurer gets up and starts this cryptic description about the group who has won the award. When I say that two groups of students were on pins and needs, I mean it was QUIET. A level of quiet a professor could only dream of in the classroom….lol And then finally the lightbulb goes on. The description of the club makes it clear who has won….. the members of the Pi Beta Iota Chapter of Alpha Phi Sigma have won Club of the Year two years in a row. Watching them walk up to the stage was bittersweet. I was so proud of their accomplishment but I also knew those who were present would graduate in a few short weeks and leave the nest. They have proven to be hard working individuals who’ve accomplished many things over the past year as a team and I know they will go on to accomplish just as much on their own. Best part, most of them keep in touch so I will get to celebrate them again and again as they move on.

These Students are Going to be the Death of Me?!?!?

In writing this post I needed to look back at my planner for March and I am pretty sure I just had a panic attack. How in the world did I do everything that is on this calendar? I was teaching classes, still working a lot of hours as a Public Defense Investigator… man, I miss going to the jail and conducting intake interviews and spending a lot of time with the members of the Pi Beta Iota Chapter of Alpha Phi Sigma. Our chapter of the National Criminal Justice Honor Society was founded in the fall of 2016 and the students worked really hard to earn the title of 2017 Club of the Year at IRSC. Of course, these over achievers (or psychos as I affectionately consider them) wanted to repeat so they decided that they needed to up their activity and community service events in March because the cutoff for point submission was fast approaching. I am not sure who is more insane or lacking in common sense, the students who suggested these events or me who approved the increased activity and was required to attend each event?

Before I throw the adorable, over-achieving, true crime loving lunatics under the bus, let me explain that I was already in crisis. My son, the one and only child I have with only two legs, decided that he would turn 22 years old. Just who does he think he is? I am nowhere near old enough or ready to have a child that is 22 freaking years old. I got married at 23 and had my son at 25. I will kill him if he even considers getting married and having children anytime soon. I AM NOT READY! So as you can see my psyche was fragile at this time. Maybe my need to fight feeling old enough to have a 22 year old is what led me to approve all of these events and think I was spry enough to survive them….. hmmmm hindsight is 20/20 they say. 

Anyway, I just added up the number of events these honors students held, participated in and knocked out of the park. 23! 14 in the last 6 days of the month! I went with them to clean beaches, roads and parks. I now have OCD and feel the need to pull over whenever I see trash on the side of a road in at a ballpark. I wonder if the college would consider this as a valid work comp issue and send me on a vacation…. One where I won’t see a beach that I will want to clean!

FYI- Still have to wait a couple of more weeks before I would find out if I was awarded an Endowed Teaching Chair and if the Alpha Phi Sigma students would win Club of the Year. If I haven’t mentioned it, I have the patience of a gnat. This would be a really really long two or three weeks.

Blog that I Should Have Posted in February…oops

So this month has been busy with lots of jail interviews, Alpha Phi Sigma events and teaching. So of course, I decided to add something else to my plate and mind you that it isn’t appetizer small. I decided to apply for an Endowed Teaching Chair at the college. What is an endowed chair??? A LOT OF WORK! But also a lot of fun…. I hope. Over the past few years, I have worked with numerous agencies, countless hours of community service and explored many facets of the criminal justice system. Two areas that really peaked my interest were those of cold case investigations and search and rescue events. In 2016, the sister of one of my students went missing and was, after a month found, having been murdered. Getting involved with the search honed my professional interest in becoming more hands on than following traditional academia and focusing solely on research and publication. I felt my education as well as that of my students could be enhanced by these experiential activities. Aside from teaching, my second passion is giving back through community service. 

With this in mind, I decided to marry my two passions and submit a proposal to create a cold case institute at the college. I wanted to be different than the institutes that I was familiar with in that I wanted the students to work directly with the jurisdictional agency. I would provide the theoretical concepts and academic knowledge while bringing in local agencies that would go through cold cases with the students. Students would be allowed to review the case and how it was conducted, what evidence was obtained and  see where and why the case had gone cold. Students and LEOs would work side by side to reexamine to case, consider new avenues to explore, revisit scenes and witnesses/victims/suspects. The thought of students learning what skills they will need upon graduation to work in various aspects of the cj field from the actual professionals who would consider hiring them was just amazing and an opportunity I could not pass up.

I want them to learn critical thinking skills, how to deal with diversity of culture, age, gender, socio-economics, and just as important to have compassion and empathy when appropriate. It sounds like a lot for someone to teach but I kept telling myself and others that I did not have the sole responsibility of this undertaking but instead was the one to organize it and make it happen. So, I submitted a proposal, crossed my fingers and waited to hear whether or not the college would make this newest dream come true and give the students something to go absolutely crazy for…..