2 Days Remaining

Still no damn mail….

I didn't and don’t expect any more to come but I continually walk to the mailbox each day at work and check. Today, I even entertained myself by recording my walk to the mailbox just so my social media could share in my “hope” and frustration.

Thinking about it, maybe I am looking for ways to lighten up the mood surrounding this week. It does feel a little “heavy.” I am not really stressed per say but I live in a state of chronic stress so who knows. I am being peppered with questions from people who want to go to the prison with me. They seem excited by the process. I am definitely NOT excited about the process or the experience. I AM thankful for the opportunity.

I have others who just don’t understand and ask me why I would want to go through this. What do I hope to get out of this? If you are wondering the same thing, then let me try to explain it. I am looking for an opportunity to continue my own education and to grow professionally. I think one can only learn so much from a book and even from anecdotes. What do I hope to learn? Honestly? I don’t know what I don’t know.

Ah yes, and then there come the judgmental comments. I know that I personally am not everyone’s cup of tea. My questioning nature and need to continually explore and push boundaries, drives some crazy. I was a bit taken aback by the blunt or even rude comments being directed my way; however, I will offer them the one thing they are not offering me…. respect.

You don’t have to like what I am doing. You don’t even have to understand it. I would appreciate it though…. if you could just respect it.

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” 
― Benjamin Franklin

3 Days Remaining

So I woke up this morning to my phone blowing up with messages. “Have you seen that Bobby has a temporary stay till 7 pm tomorrow…. not a true stay but something about time for legal docs to be submitted and reviewed. I barely had the sleep out of my eyes. Definitely wasn’t out of bed yet and here comes Bobby….

This research that I started a year ago which includes my communication with Bobby Joe Long seems to have taken on a life of its own. But I guess the is how things feel when one is working outside of their comfort zone. I truly am forging a path for my own interest that I don’t have anyone to look to for guidance. What I do have are many friends and peers who are criminal justice professionals and are guiding me and keeping me grounded along the way.

Today one of those professionals is one of the owners of my favorite place to chill, hang out and work when I want to be creative - the coffee bar Blue Door. The owners are attorneys. William is a defense attorney so guess who I am going to drive crazy with a thousand questions? Most people think that criminal justice and the law are one and the same. That is soooo not true. I am a victimologist and criminologist so I stay in my lane…. I am NOT and never could be a lawyer.

4 Days Remaining

So today, I made my plans official and will leave on Wednesday evening or Thursday morning to head up to Florida State Prison. I have decided that I will be outside with both supporters and protestors of the death penalty during Bobby’s execution. As I continually write Bobby’s name in such a familiar fashion, I wonder if people will think that I am personally connected with him…. it does feel weird to refer to someone in such a casual way while not being in a relationship of any kind - be it friendship or not.

Let me clear this up for anyone who pays any attention to my mental and emotional ramblings here… I in no way consider Bobby a friend nor am I viewing this process from anything other than a professional perspective. Am I personally invested in the research? Absolutely, I don’t think I could call myself a victimologist if I wasn’t it.

Then why do I so effortlessly refer to Florida Inmate # 494041 as Bobby? Because I realize that he is a person just like everyone else. This person just happens to be part man and part monster.

5 Days Remaining

Today I am focused on the victims and not on Bobby Joe Long. I have questions about what he is doing, thinking and feeling but now my thoughts turn to the surviving victim, Lisa McVey Noland and the other victims of rape, those who were murdered, their families, Bobby’s family and all of those this case has personally touched.

How are those people coping and getting through each day? Bobby’s legal team files one appeal after the other in hopes of earning him a stay. I understand their fight. I am sure most offenders would be doing the exact same thing….

But how does this affect the other players in this tragedy? Families who are ready to have Bobby meet his maker so they may finally have the justice they desire. I do not believe in “closure”. At least not in the sense that once he is no longer breathing, people will magically feel better.

I think closure is probably more of the opportunity to no longer live in flux every day…. reliving the fight of ensuring Bobby pays for what was done to their loved ones. Some families choose not to seek the death penalty because it would mean appearing at every hearing for a decade or more to speak on behalf of the victims who are no longer able to speak for themselves. Some can not cope with that and I do not blame them.

That was not the case with the victims and their families in this case. These brave individuals pushed through to ensure Bobby paid his debt in the only way he could…. legally. For there is no way one can HONESTLY make up for the loss and destruction he left in his path.

Yes, today my thoughts are with the family of those who have suffered… including Bobby’s.

6 Days Remaining

Checked the mail again…. again nothing

Checked with Bethany from the Pros and Cons Podcast… she hasn’t gotten anything either.

-frustrated but coming to terms with the fact that I may not hear anything from Bobby again. His execution is in less than a week and I am not sure what his daily life is like. Wrapping up loose ends such as time with family, clergy, legal issues concerning appeals. Paperwork that pertains to who gets his body and what he wants done with it.

I am starting to be less selfish as I realize now that time is short and speaking with me is truly not a priority for Bobby Joe Long. Treating him as I would any other person who is about to pass…. I am sure he has more important things to attend to than giving me the answers that a dozen others before me have tried and failed to get.

I still wonder what he is doing and thinking and feeling…. remorse? regret? fear?

7 Days Remaining

Today PCubed and I are recording another episode of the podcast. I am presenting Bobby’s case at CrimeCon in New Orleans in June. I am a victimologist and I want people to know the victims for more than being a victim. Sad thing which seems to be the norm for us…

very little information exists. And nothing positive. It is sad.

We are five victims in on this mini podcast season. I am hoping that we can find more information to talk about the women after Bobby is executed. PCubed and I will be requesting Bobby’s legal docs and if we find anything, we will definitely share it with you.