26 Days Remain

So I sent Bobby another email and with no response from him yet, I decided to not pepper him with a million questions. Trying the polite conversation tactic for now. I told him that I was sitting outside at a coffee shop writing him. It really is a beautiful day. I told him that and wondered if that would come across like a really “jerky” thing to say since he obviously isn’t going to be enjoying the Florida sunshine.

I decided to try and appeal to his love of the Florida Keys and his time there when he was young. I mentioned that the weather was such that it would remind of him of those times. He has often mentioned that the Keys are his favorite place in the world.

What else am I supposed to say to a man that is going to be executed in less than four weeks? I asked questions in yesterday’s email and since I have not heard back…. do I just keep grilling him??? It isn’t like this experience was anything I prepared for or even discussed in grad school. This is uncharted territory… at least for me.

I do feel a sense of urgency. Time is passing quickly and I have questions. I want to get any and all of the information that I can. Why and for what purpose? I don’t know. I just know that I am motivated by the victims. It always comes back to the victims. They deserve answers…. no, they will never get an answer good enough to justify, explain or even help anyone to understand why they experienced what they did.

They deserve to be honored for the people that they are or were. They need to be remembered as people and not as victims. They are more than victims of Bobby Joe Long. That is why I will continue with this process; however, it plays out.

27 Days Remain

I just sat down to write Bobby an email. It was difficult to decide what to say. I want answers just like everyone else. What is he thinking and feeling? Is he afraid? Will he be willing to drop the psychological chess game and just get real? Does he have any feelings about what he did to so many women? He has never expressed remorse but is there even just an inkling of it…. even if it is just for the situation that he now finds himself in? Maybe the monster is all there is and he is mad that he got caught….

I really don’t know but I know that if I could sit there and talk to him face to face I would have to control myself from firing questions at him one after the other. I haven’t heard from him since the execution warrant was signed. Wonder what is going on?

28 Days Remain

So somehow 24 hours has slipped away since I received notice that Bobby Joe is to be executed on May 23, 2019. I have less than a month to ask questions and decide  if I want to take Bobby Joe up on his offer of buying me a chipotle bacon cheeseburger.

I never took this meeting seriously, probably because I thought there was still plenty of time. Maybe it’s because I can’t believe he is allowed visitation as well as access to the commissary items that could be shared during a visit.

But now I find myself wondering whether I should see him face-to-face and look him in the eye. Will I see any humanity left in him? I see glimpses of the man and not the monster occasionally in his letters but those glimpses are few and far between. 
 

Then I ask myself, why am I doing this at all? What will I gain in continuing my professional relationship with him? Did I really think that I could find the man inside the monster? Reaching out to him, what was I hoping to learn and share with my students? 

The only answer that I have for myself today is, that I have 28 days left to try and find the answers to these questions. 

29 Days Remain

So today, I received news that I knew would come eventually. What I did not expect was the swirl of emotions... the punch to the gut I felt when I read the announcement:

Tampa serial killer Bobby Joe Long’s death warrant was just signed

The emotions are not due to the impending death of a person.. well maybe a little but only because I have never dealt with counting down the days to someone's death. Bobby is the one dying in 29 days yet I am feeling the would have, should have, could have emotions. Man, I should have returned his emails faster. How much can I push him to talk over the next 29 days? Will he ramp up his psychological games now or finally be real? 

This is the roller coaster, I guess I will be riding for the next.... 29 days

What Do I Do for Fun???

True Crime and a Glass of Wine is a monthly event hosted by the coffee bar Blue Door in Stuart, Florida. This hidden gem is only steps away from downtown yet seems a million miles away from the hustle of the world once you step up into the courtyard. A large oak tree surrounded by flowers, the courtyard has become a hideaway for myself and others as it offers the opportunity to quietly contemplate life, dreams or even the next exciting true crime get together.

As tranquil as it can be, there are times when I need a little pick me up or just a place to cut loose. Weekly live music or DJs provide just that. I may not look like Cher but last 80s night I rocked an insanely large wig and way too-high heels and didn’t embarrass myself one bit. People ask me what do I do for fun or if I even have time to do anything other than work considering I teach, spend a million hours with my honor society students exploring, giving back to the community and looking for educational adventures. Well, here is the answer…. I spend most of my personal free time at the Blue Door. Amazing coffee, a glass of wine on occasion, fascinating conversations and more laughter than considered normal.

Give you one guess where I am. 

April Showers Bring….. more than I could have ever imagined

So the first week of April comes and goes with no news about the endowed chair proposals. I keep telling myself to be patient young grasshopper but all I want to do is …… well smooshing the grasshopper wouldn’t be nice so I will just remind you that I have the patience of a gnat. Got it? Good. Week two comes. Nothing happens on Monday and no one has said anything about a meeting this week. Ugh, looks like it will be another long week.

Uhhhh, Tuesday things got weird. I taught my 8:00 am class and was just starting my 9:30 class when the door opens and in walks one Vice President then the President of the College and then another Vice President…. At this point I am beginning to get a little nervous. I do teach outside of the box and can be a little crazy. I may have actually told my Dean at one point, that now that he had given me my own office he would have to pry me out of there if he ever wanted to get rid of me. I was freaking a little bit that he brought an army and I was about to be evicted. I think President Massey and Chairman of the Board, Conrado had a posse of more than 15 with them… eek! It took a minute but then I saw the flowers and the little blue chair that is given to those who are awarded Endowed Teaching Chairs!!! OMG, it was happening and I was surprised (which never happens) and shocked and thrilled and wanted to cry and wanted to call my husband and wanted to grab my students and celebrate BUT oh wait, I had to actually wait for him to tell me that I had received the honor…. Lol    So that was the day that I knew the Institute for Cold Case Investigations at Indian River State College was about to become a real thing.

I was already on Cloud 9 and couldn’t imagine things getting any better but I couldn’t forget that we had the annual Campus Coalition Government Banquet coming up with lots of awards and recognition of hard work by students and faculty. I was holding my breath because my honors students worked so hard and wanted Club of the Year again but that another club was just as hungry and anxious. The Club of the Year is the last thing that gets announced. This would be one long dinner!

So as dinner moves along we are watching a year in review video and these students and their accomplishments over the past year are impressive. Awards start being called out and a few of my students win individual awards which were not expected. That was a proud mom moment. Have I mentioned how much I truly love these guys?  Well I was kind of picking at my salad and praying that Alpha Phi Sigma would win but if they didn’t what was I going to say to them to let them know that I was proud of them and that they should be proud too when one of them poked me and was smiling. I was listening to the speaker as they started talking about the next award, Faculty of the Year. The professor did this. The professor did that. Somewhere in the accomplishments, it started to turn to my hearing blah blah blah because I realized she was talking about ME?!?! What the hell?!?!?!

This one was not on my radar. I was so focused on the club award that I didn’t think about this and I was riding high from getting my endowed chair. Honestly, I can’t even tell you how I felt because I was kind of numb. My husband nor son were there to share it with but that was ok because my second family was. I truly am close to my students and co-workers and they are a second family. One more time, I would just like to say I am honored and proud of this award because it starts with the students nominating you and ends by a panel making the selection. I love my job and my school.

So now not only was I physically exhausted from the 8 million events that my loveable psychos students participated in over the last couple of months but I was emotionally tired. I am super sentimental and when I am invested in something, I am all in. But we had one more award to go and it was the biggie. The CCG Treasurer gets up and starts this cryptic description about the group who has won the award. When I say that two groups of students were on pins and needs, I mean it was QUIET. A level of quiet a professor could only dream of in the classroom….lol And then finally the lightbulb goes on. The description of the club makes it clear who has won….. the members of the Pi Beta Iota Chapter of Alpha Phi Sigma have won Club of the Year two years in a row. Watching them walk up to the stage was bittersweet. I was so proud of their accomplishment but I also knew those who were present would graduate in a few short weeks and leave the nest. They have proven to be hard working individuals who’ve accomplished many things over the past year as a team and I know they will go on to accomplish just as much on their own. Best part, most of them keep in touch so I will get to celebrate them again and again as they move on.